I wear a white dress, and I dance.

Today was a rough day.


It started off rough. It got rougher, and then when I just felt like giving up and freaking out and sitting down to watch tv and veg out and not give anymore of myself to anyone or anything, I realized the truth of it.

I was created for something more than a sleepless night of TV and the deadening of my heart to the voice of God.

And no matter how hard people, or stuff, or things were on me- nothing is going to drown out the truth that God doesn't think I'm a waste of space. He doesn't think I'm a disappointment. He's not keeping a score of my wrongdoings, my inaccuracies, of the things I've forgotten, or the things I am imcapable of doing. That is the Power of the Cross- when other people are keeping score - God is too busy looking at me- really SEEING me in all of my beauty as his creation- to take tally. Before the Cross- he couldn't even look at me, even when he longed to- I needed a justifier- a redeemer. Thank you Jesus! For that gift.
Because now, like a goldsmith at the fire- God's eye is not on the dross floating through, and out of me. He's keeping an eye on the fire- and on the umblemished beauty of the thing he is creating.

So-Today, when other people were disappointed in me, or wanted me to be more than I am- God wasn't.

And he isn't.


In earthly dad's eyes- I'm a disappointment.

But in my heavenly Father's eyes-I am a girl in a white dress, dancing before Him- imperfect, and stumbling- but trying. Laughing with the Joy of it. Longing for him to dance along side me.
 And to God- that's enough. It's sweet to Him.

So, at the end of this day- I can still say that I am not a failure.

Oh no. Not this girl.

 I am a fragrance of worship to the Lord.

When I need to be a success, I will be a success. When it glorifies God the most for me to succeed at something, I will shine so bright the stars will fade, dim in deference to sheer beauty of God's creation in me. The lily will blush, and the swan will duck its head. And it won't because of how great I am. It will be because of something unexplainably amazing about what God did in me and through me. People who are disappointed in me now won't know what to do except say "How did SHE do THAT?" And I will say " Yes- somehow, impossibly. And its because I am loved inspite of myself. And because God knew what he was doing in me when he made me. He knew what he was doing when he made you too."


Until then, I am content to raise up this frail little gift I have- to give this falling down broken and stumbling self to God, and say "Lord, make me new today."

Because he does. And he did. And he will again.


Lord- renew a right spirit in me. Clean hands, a pure heart....a humble spirit- keep creating them in me. And until that unknown day at the twilight of my life- when I wake up in your arms, and you smile down at me and say "My love, welcome home."- give me the courage to fight for your love the way you fought for mine.

Amen.