Hello!
Messing around with this blog today, trying to decide whether to keep it, since I haven't written in it in over a year. But based on a recent decision to make a conscious decision write more often, to allow myself more risks, and be more creative- I've decided to keep this thing going. Why not? The world is full of people not taking risks, sitting around hating themselves for it. I've decided I don't want to be one of them.
Risk number 1- relentlessly pursue music.Art. Life. And gratitude for it all in the midst of everything. I'm going to pursue music for fun, and if it turns into something more- then awesome. The pressure to live up to my talents and gifts has faded- the angst of knowing my own failures as a musician and a singer in comparision to other peopel has faded. The only thing I want to do now is make music because I was created to make music- and to write- and to see the miracle of creation around me, and to want to articulate it by whatever means seems the most natural and worshipful. I create, because I was created. I sing, because I was sung into existence. I dance because joy puts wings on my heart- because I am not alone, and I am loved beyond all measure.
One of the most freeing realizations I've had all week- I was BORN to DO THIS!!!! I was born to be this- to worship, and to sing and to write and to see shape and light and color and to create. This is the best realization ever.
We'll see how this risk will pan out- but for right now, I'm just doing something little everyday and allowing myself to actively dream and sing outloud in strange places again. I can't believe how great this week has been, just doing that.
Every noticed this? that when you open your heart a crack- and the rushing wind of God has this habit of sweeping the door open the rest of the way and causing a beautiful kind of ruckus in your heart?
Oh the gift of it.
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